Title (required) (Hey i'm a blonde)

[Guest]

This is the actual transcript of a radio conversation between a British Navy ship and the Irish Coastguard, off the coast of Kerry: (NOT REALLY)

Irish. Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south, to avoid collision

British. Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north, to avoid collision

Irish. Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south ' to avoid collision.

British. This is the Captain of a British Navy Ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Irish. Negative. I say again, you will have to divert YOUR course

British. THIS IS THE LARGEST SHIP IN THE BRITISH FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY 3 DESTROYERS, 3 CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT SHIPS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES TO THE NORTH, OR COUNTERMEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS FLOTILLA.

Irish. THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE ....... YOUR CALL!

[Guest]

Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain.  This captain was very successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the world.

Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him.  He was admired by his crew and fellow captains.  However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual.  He would lock himself in his captain's quarters and open a small safe.  In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside.  He would stare at the paper for a minute, and then lock it back up. After, he would go about his daily duties.

For years this went on, and his crew became very curious.  Was it a treasure map?  Was it a letter from a long lost love?  Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.

One day the captain died at sea.  After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains’ quarters.  He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and... The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others.  Four words were on the paper, two on two lines:

Port Left

Starboard Right

  (I hope everybody gets this? I'm sure the ole swabbie will.)

[Stormy]

• An easy way to remember which side of the ship is port or starboard (besides just remembering that “starboard” came from the steering oar placed on the right side of a ship because most people are right handed) is just to remember that a ship at sea has “left” port.  Another one is “Star light, star bright, starboard is on the right”.
• The word “port” comes from the Latin “portus” meaning “port/harbor”, which before that meant “entrance, passage”.  This in turn comes from the Proto-Indo-European “*prtu”, meaning “a passage”.

[Smiley]

I always thought that port and left both had four letters and starboard and right had more than four letters.  But then I had to remember which one was green and which was red, neither of which had four letters

But I do not that all cave explorers know that cave stalagmites and stalagtites  are like ants in your pants,. the tites go down when the mites go up.

but I do know it's red right return (all of which have Rs) but so does port and starboard and even right

[Nan]

I've always used the port and left = 4 letters rule ...  

 

Dawn re your joke about the Irish and the British I've see the same joke a few times with different nationalities and it always gets a giggle  

[Koach]

lol, thats pretty good