SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother.
'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins,
I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions,
she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school,
I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked,
'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report.
‘My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?'
'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me,
'would you please tie my shoe?'
POLICE #2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.
As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he said, 'What'd he do?
KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar..
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone..
'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now, she's hitting the bottle.
NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school,
I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked,
'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report.
‘My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?'
'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me,
'would you please tie my shoe?'
POLICE #2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.
As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he said, 'What'd he do?
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins,
I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions,
she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church,
our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box
and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity
intoned his version of what he thought his father always said:
'Glory be unto the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole he goes.'
(I want this line used at my funeral!)
