Henry

Three blonde friends die together in a car wreck. They find themselves standing in front of the pearly gates with St. Peter. He warns them that before they can enter heaven, they have to tell him what Easter is about. The first blonde says, "Easter is a holiday where we give thanks, have a big feast and eat turkey." "Nooooo," groans St. Peter. "You don't get in." The second blonde says, "Easter is the holiday where we decorate a tree with pretty ornaments and give each other presents." "Nooooo," groans St. Peter. "You don't get in, either." The third blonde says, "Well, I know what Easter is all about. Easter is a Christian holiday which coincides with the Jewish Passover. After Jesus celebrated Passover with his disciples, he was betrayed by Judas and turned over to the Romans. They crucified him on a cross. After he died, they buried him in a tomb and put a huge boulder in front of it." "Very good!" says St. Peter. But the blonde continues. "Now, every year, the Jews roll the stone away and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have 6 more weeks of winter."

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

Benefits of smoking 1 - Do not grow up in the Age 2 - dogs fear you 3 - Do not exposed to theft Why ? 1 - because you die at an early age 2 - Because you can not walk and is based on stick 3 - Because you awake all night because of coughing

A man got a parrot which could already talk. It had belonged to a sailor and had a big vocabulary. However, the man soon discovered that the parrot mostly know bad words. At first he thought it was funny, but then it became tiresome, and finally, when the man had important guests, the bird's bad words embarrassed him very much. As soon as the guests left, the man angrily shouted at the parrot,"That language must stop!". But the bird answered him with curses. He shook the bird and shouted again, "Don't use those ugly words!" Again the bird cursed him. Now the man was really angry. He grabbed the parrot and threw him into the refrigerator. But it had no effect. From inside the refrigerator,the parrot was still swearing. He opened the door and took him out, and again the bird spoke in dirty words and curses. This time, the man opened the door of the freezer , threw the bird into it, and closed the door. This time there was silence. After two minutes, the man opened the door and removed the very cold parrot. Slowly the shivering parrot walked up the man's arm, sat on his shoulder and spoke into his ear, sounding very frightened: "I'll be good, I promise...Those chickens in there.. what did they say?"

Two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey, they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, he wrote in the sand: Today my best friend slapped me in the face. They kept on walking, until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but his friend saved him. After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone: Today my best friend saved my life. The friend, who had slapped and saved his best friend, asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand, and now, you write on a stone, why?" The other friend replied: "When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand, where the winds of forgiveness can erase it away, but when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it. Learn to write your hurts in the sand and to carve your blessings in stone.

There were 3 little alien dudes in a little green space ship. All the sudden they crashed on earth. The first little dude was purple, the second green and third blue. The little purple dude walked into an opera house and heard “ mi,mi,mi” “ mi,mi,mi” and got stuck saying “ mi,mi,mi” “ mi,mi,mi”. The little green dude walked into the purple cow and heard “ fork & knife” “ fork & knife” and got stuck saying “ fork & knife” “fork & knife”. The little purple dude walked into a candy shop and heard “goody goody gum drops” “ goody goody gum drops” and got stuck saying “ goody gum drops” “ goody goody gum drops”. On the way back to the space ship a policeman stopped them and said, “There has been a murder and, since you are new to this town, I think you did it. Okay! Let's get this straight. Which one of you did it?” The little purple dude said “ mi,mi,mi” and the policeman said “With what?” and the little green dude said “ fork & knife”. The policeman said, “ I’m sorry but you’re going to jail." The little blue dude said, “goody goody gum drops!”

A Catholic teenager goes to confession, and after confessing to an affair with a girl is told by the priest that he can't be forgiven unless he reveals who the girl is. "I promised not to tell!" he says. "Was it Mary Patricia, the butcher's daughter?" the preist asks. "No, and I said I wouldn't tell." "Was it Mary Elizabeth, the printer's daughter?" "No, and I still won't tell!" 'Was it Mary Francis, the baker's daughter?" "No," says the boy. 'Well, son," says the priest, "I have no choice but to excommunicate you for six months." Outside, the boy's friends ask what happened. "Well," he says, "I got six months, but three good leads."

Happy Birthday, CHARMY_JUNNY

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven. "You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "and I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life. The two approached each other a bit shyly , but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces. "You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking conspiratorially. Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll poop on it's head."

A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle the room, under the carpet, was a bump. "No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack smokes," he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said, handing him his pack cigarettes. "I found them in the hallway." "Now," she said, "if only I could find my sweet little hamster."

A father and baby polar bear were walking across the ice when the baby polar bear said to his dad "Dad, am I part panda bear?" "No", replied his dad. "Well then, am I part brown bear?" Again his dad said no. A short time later the baby bear asked again, "Dad, maybe I'm part koala bear?" The father getting annoyed said, "look son, I'm a polar bear, your mums a polar bear. Why on earth do you keep asking for?!" "Because," the baby bear said, "I'm Bloody Freezing!".

Smiley

Three men were flying in a plane. One dropped out an apple the other dropped an orange and the other dropped a grenade. After landing they were walking down the street and saw a kid crying. They asked him why he was crying and he said "an apple hit me in the head". Then they saw another kid crying he said "an orange hit me in the head". Then they saw a kid laughing his head off and they asked him what was so funny he said "I farted and my house blew up!"

A man's dog has a problem so he takes him to the vet's. The vet looks at the dog and says that he'll have to take him to the examining room. In the examining room, he takes a cat out of a cage and lets the cat walk all over the dog, but the dog doesn't do anything. The doctor say "Your dog is dead." The man goes out to the receptionist and asks for his bill. "That'll be $325" says the receptionist. "What! $325? How's that possible?" "It's $25 for the consultation, and $300 for the Cat scan." NOTE: The students might not recognise the word CAT scan.

A man wanted to become a monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the head monk. The head monk said, "You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years." The man agreed and after the first 3 years, the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?" "Food cold!" the man replied. Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said "What are your two words?" "Robe dirty!" the man exclaimed. Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?" "I quit!" said the man. "Well, the head monk replied, I am not surprised. You have done nothing but complain ever since you got here!"

A woman got on a bus, holding a baby. The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers." "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind." "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

One day a student was taking a very difficult essay exam. At the end of the test, the prof asked all the students to put their pencils down and immediately hand in their tests. The young man kept writing furioulsy, although he was warned that if he did not stop immediately he would be disqualified. He ignored the warning, finished the test 10 minutes later, and went to hand the test to his instructor. The instructor told him he would not take the test. The student asked, "Do you know who I am?" The prof said, "No and I don't care." The student asked again, "Are you sure you don't know who I am?" The prof again said no. So the student walked over to the pile of tests, placed his in the middle, then threw the papers in the air. "Good" the student said, and walked out. He passed.

The Red Beach is located in the Liaohe River Delta, about 30 kilometer southwest of Panjin City in China. The beach gets its name from its appearance, which is caused by a type of sea weed that flourishes in the saline-alkali soil. The weed that start growing during April or May remains green during the summer. In autumn, this weed turns flaming red, and the beach looks as if it was covered by an infinite red carpet that creates a rare red sea landscape. Most of the Red Beach is a nature reserve and closed to the public. Only a small, remote, section is open for tourists. Covering an area of nearly 600,000 hectares, the Liaohe River Delta Marshland includes Panjin and Yingkou Cities in Liaoning Province, where the Shuangtai Hekou Nature Reserve has been set up. This is a key habitat and a way station for migratory birds on their East Asia-Australia route. The endless stretch of its unique ''red carpet'', the world's second-largest reed marshes, such as red-crowned cranes, black-beaked gulls and sounders' gulls, and spotted and common seals, are parts of a richly colorful wetland ecosystem. There lives a plant with strong life force in the mud flat of the mouth of Liaohe River. It calls the sea-blite plants. The sea-blite plants start to grow in every April or May. The color is green at beginning, and becomes red slower and slower. In September, the colors of the plants become strong red, covering the whole alkaline beach. The splendid red beach scenery appears only at the mud flat in Panjin. Although sea-blite plants grow in other coastal areas, the plants couldn’t become red at last there. Therefore, it has a beautiful name- Red Beach. There are 236 kinds of birds inhabit here. Among them, there are over 30 kinds of national first and second class protection birds, such as red-crowned cranes, black-mouth gulls, etc. Therefore, the red beach scenic area becomes a national nature protection area. It has been the gold tourist section of Liaohe area, because of its rich nature resources and beautiful nature spectacle. The mud flat occupies the area of over 90,000 Mu. When tide covers the mud flat, haulms of reeds could still been seen. After tide, the whole area appears a red spectacle again, which looks like burning red clouds in the beach. Moreover, the red beach is listed on the international tourist routes. More and more people are attracted by the fantastic red beach not only at home but abroad. http://scenery.cultural-china.com/en/113Scenery8538.html

Easter Island, an island in the world's strangest Island almost three-form, located in the South Pacific back to Chile and away from 3.600 kilometers west, called by the local Rabanue (Peto T or T-languishing) or navel of the world is to say Alrabanue language (the language of East Polynesia). Although small, but it is rich in heritage and natural beauty Rano Raraku quarry (Figure 1), within which 95% of the over 1,000 Easter Island stone statues was carved, is a massive crater of consolidated volcanic ash surrounding an interior, reed-filled lake (Figure 2). About half of the total number of statues recorded to date is still within the quarry zone. Some 150 statues stand upright on the interior and exterior slopes of Rano Raraku. They are buried to varying depths and appear often as heads only. While weathered and worn by centuries of exposure to the elements, many of them are still very beautiful (Figure 3). Rano Raraku was first reported to the outside world in 1868 by officers of HMS Topaze. The world was fascinated, and many sketches, essays, newspaper articles, and books were published describing the statues embedded in the slopes as “heads.” Over 90 excavations in Rano Raraku since that time exposed the torsos of many statues. Katherine and William Scoresby Routledge of the Mana Expedition to Easter Island, 1914-15 published photos of their own digs illustrating the bodies of many statues. In 1954-55 Thor Heyerdahl and his Norwegian Archaeological Expedition to Easter Island excavated others, further documenting the existence of complete, but partially buried, statues. Our EISP excavations recently exposed the torsos of two 7 m tall statues (Figure 4). Hundreds, perhaps thousands, of visitors to the island have been astonished to see that, indeed, Easter Island statues have bodies! More important, however, we discovered a great deal about the Rapa Nui techniques of ancient engineering: the dirt and detritus partially burying the statues was washed down from above and not deliberately placed there to bury, protect, or support the statues the statues were erected in place and stand on stone pavements. post holes were cut into bedrock to support upright tree trunks rope guides were cut into bedrock around the post holes posts, ropes, stones, and different types of stone tools were all used to carve and raise the statues upright We also discovered that ceremonies were certainly associated with the statues. We found large quantities of red pigment, some of which may have been used to paint the statues. Finally, and perhaps most poignantly, we found in the pavement under one statue a single stone carved with a crescent symbol said to represent a canoe, or vaka (Figure 5). The backs of both statues are covered with petroglyphs, many of which are also vaka. A direct connection between the vaka symbol and the identity of the artist or group owning the statue is strongly suggested. http://www.eisp.org/

A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes. The woman asked the gentlemen,"What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?" The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden naked in my trench coat and flash them. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much." Well, the woman was so impressed; she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she flashed her garden hoping for the best. One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?" "No", she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."

Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!" To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her."

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

Happy Birthday Echo

Dean of contemporary Arabic literature and a pioneer of enlightenment, Taha Hussein was born in AI-Minya province, Upper Egypt, on November 14th, 1889 and grew up, the seventh of thirteen children, in a lower middle-class family. At a very early age, he contracted a simple eye infection and, due to faulty treatment by an unskilled local practitioner, was blinded, at the age of three. He was placed in a kuttab (a school where children learn Quran and reading and writing) and was later sent to Al-Azhar University, where he acquired a thorough knowledge of religion and Arabic literature in the traditional manner. He felt deep discontent with the narrow thinking and conservatism of his tutors. In 1908, he learned of the founding of a new, secular university as part of a national effort to promote education in Egypt under British occupation, and was very keen to enter it. He was blind and poor, but overcoming many obstacles, he was accepted in that university. He later stated, in Al-Ayyam (The Days) that the doors of knowledge were from that day opened wide for him. In 1914, he was the first graduate of this university to receive a Ph.D with his thesis on the skeptic poet and philosopher Abu-Alalaa’ AI-Ma'arri. Again with much trouble, he was sent to study in France on the university's educational mission. His blindness caused him continuing pains, aggravated by a careless brother, presumably sent to take care of him. It was in France that he met his ‘sweet voice’, Suzanne, who came to read to him since not all the references needed were available in braille. She later became his wife, his mentor, advisor, assistant, mother to his children, great love and best friend. He states that since he first heard that 'sweet voice', anguish never entered his heart." After his death, Suzanne wrote Ma'ak (With You), published in Arabic; a touching remembrance of their life together. His doctoral dissertation, written in 1917, was on lbn Khaldun, the fourteenth century Arab historian, the founder of sociology. In 1918 he obtained his second PhD in Social Philosophy from the Sorbonne, Paris. In 1919 he received a diploma in post-graduate studies in the Roman Civil Code from the same university. He was granted honorary doctorates from the universities of Oxford, Madrid, and Rome. In 1919 he was appointed a professor of history at the Egyptian University. He did not confine himself to political and constituational history but transferred to his students his knowledge of Greek drama such as Sophocles and Aeschylus. When he assumed office as Minister of Education in 1950, he managed to put his motto, "Education is like water we drink and the air we breath," into practice. He succeeded in making all elementary and secondary education. Millions of Egyptians owe their literacy to Taha Hussein His Work The greater part of Taha Hussein’s canon is basically influenced by Greek culture. He issued "Selected Pages" from Greek Dramatic poetry (1920), "The Athenian System" in 1921, and "Leaders of Thought" in 1925. Thus, the link between his Arabic culture with that of Greece was a turning point as thinker. The first book was an incomplete attempt at an expose of Greek poets and their works. The second book was a meticulous translation of one of the most important texts of Greek history of civilization. He deals with the religious impact on thought in the Middle Ages, then moves on to the Modern Ages of multi influences. Thus,Taha Hussein was not merely influenced by Greek thought in his literary work but also in his books on politics and civilization. The books he issued following his return from Paris greatly influenced modern Arabic classical literature. He waged many battles for enlightenment, the respect of reason and thought, and women’s emancipation. The first of these was in 1926 when he issued "Pre-Islamic Poetry", which was highly controversial in both politically and literary circles. It aroused widescale front page arguments in newspapers between supporters and opposers. In self defence he argued that he adopted a scientific method of approach in his treatise on Pre-Islamic poetry. That method, he said, was adopted by western philosopher scientists and men of letters who followed the French philosopher Descartes in his reasoning in search of the truth of beginning. It rennovated science and philosophy and changed the outlook of men of letters and artists in the West. Taha Hussein's works can be divided into three categories: scientific study of Arabic literature and Islamic history; creative literary works with social content combating poverty & ignorance, and political articles. The latter he published in the two papers of which he was editor-in-chief, after being expelled from his post as professor of Classical Arabic literature at the Egyptian University. His expulsion came as a result of public reaction to his book 'On Pre-lslamic Poetry'. In his novels, he expresses an astounding sensitivity, insight and compassion in that age for a person with his background. His arguments for justice and equality are supported by deep and honest understanding of Islam. Equally remarkable are his sympathy with his downtrodden compatriots and his understanding of the deepest emotions and thoughts of woman as girl, lover, wife and mother His type of literature became an independent form and readers competed in it passionately, reading and interpreting, discussing analyses, and extracting clear meanings from ambiguous allusions ... Looking at his publications, one will find allusions to phenomena that one abhorred and could not speak of openly during those dismal days. We preferred ambiguity to clarity, symbols and riddles to declaration, allusion and insinuation to calling things by their names. The government of that era and its controllers would read and not understand. Thus, he defeated the oppression of tyrants and escaped the censorship of censors and manage to record the injustices of the unjust and the corruption of corruptors. Taha Hussein, who had to bear the brunt of conservative attacks and confront enemies of his reforms, enjoyed affection of his pupils & colleagues. During his life time, he was elected member of many educational academies in Arab countries, and was honored by many international institutions. The American University in Cairo paid no heed to Egyptian Premier Isma'il Sidqi, when he warned against offering employment to Taha Hussein. Its Ewart Hall, where AUC holds its extra-curricular activities, was teeming in the 1930s with listeners eager to hear him and to declare him Dean of Arabic Literature. President Gamal Abd AI-Nasser bestowed on him the highest Egyptian decoration, normally, reserved for heads of state. In 1973, he received the United Nations Human Rights Award. Taha Husein died in October 1973, immediately after witnessing his country's victory in its last war against Israel. He died in his home, alone with his "sweet voice"; Suzanne. She wrote: "We were together, alone, close to an extent beyond description. I was not crying - the tears came later. Each of us was before the other; unknown & united as we had been at the beginning of our journey. In this last unity, in the midst of this very close familiarity, I talked to him, kissing that forehead that was so noble and handsome, on which age and pain had not succeeded to carve any wrinkles, and no adversity had managed to cause to frown - a forehead that still emanated light”. http://www.sis.gov.e.../html/taha1.htm http://www.arabworldbooks.com/authors/taha_hussein.html